she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just had sex on a roof
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Couch. On fire.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
