trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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