HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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