idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
