I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
