I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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