I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
