I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
