He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
