So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
