everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
