dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
