no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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