my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
