When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
