She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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