you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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