it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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