Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
