Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
