I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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