is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
