Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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