Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
