I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
