Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
