i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
