I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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