i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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