You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
