I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
