Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
