I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
