Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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