Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
