You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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