Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
