i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
