I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
