john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
