I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
