I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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