you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm always down for nudity.
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