dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
