Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
