My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
