Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
