wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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