I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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