They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
