Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
