my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
