And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
