I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
