i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
