how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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