You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I love you.
Bad choice
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