So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
