Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
