so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
