we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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