we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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