where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
