craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
