i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
