yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
