i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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